The Invisible Children of Sudan
I am not of this world. Yet I am human and must be.  I live and breathe and walk these streets.  I see pain and hurt and sorrow and tears yet I do nothing about it? Really? Why?! Why do I sit back and let it all pass me by? Why do I not care? Why do I not hurt from them? Break me, tear me down, use me, build me up.  Open my eyes to see the hurt and pain of your people.  Break my heart for what breaks yours. Be with them, comfort them, protect them, save them! Keep them from abduction! LORD! Only you can do it through your people.  USE ME!

"Invisible Children": Rough Cut - WATCH IT

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There is music behind all of us.  Those beautiful notes are more than just noise, they are art.  They are a painting being created by multiple instruments which God has given us.  Music.  It fills our hearts with joy, with laughter, with sadness, with tears, with pain, with hope, with strength to carry on.  Music.  It is found when we dig deep inside of ourselves.  Our soul's secrets revealed.  Much deeper than our hearts cries but our souls cries.  Our soul's notes, our soul's words being spoken.  Music.  It lets me be who I truly am.

The World's Darkness
She was 14 years old.  She lived in another state but we still saw each other ever weekend.  We spent all of our spare time together.   My parents were her parents.  She had closet space in my room as well as a few drawers.  She was my age.  We shared the same interests.  At that point in time our interests consisted of boys.  I loved her and she loved me.  We cared about one another.  We were best friends.  We were sisters.  We had each other's backs.  If friends had soul mates, we were each others.  We wanted to grow up and marry twin brothers so that we could officially be related.  We wanted to have kids at the same time so that they could be best friends.  We had it all mapped out.  We saw it in the future.  We saw it coming, but then the world shifted.  It shifted and we got thrown in opposite directions.  We couldn't find each other anymore, we were lost in a sea of people.  We lost our souls, our hearts, the person we use to be.  We let one another go; for silly reasons at that.
I still play that day out in my head like it is a movie that I am watching on a big screen.  It was my Freshman year in High School and we were not able to see each other a whole lot because we didn't try as hard as we use to.  I remember it was a Sunday morning.  I was asleep in my waterbed which was up against a wall in my room upstairs.  My alarm was going to go off in about a half hour but my mom woke me before it could go off.  I remember she woke me because my bed moved when she sat on it.  I can still remember her words.  She preceeded to tell me that my other half was taken to the hospital the night before because she overdosed on drugs and alcohol.  She tried to kill herself.  It still breaks my heart.  Why wasn't she at my houes that weekend?  Why?! Why did she do it?! Family issues.  Family problems.  She did not want to deal with it anymore, she coudln't handle it anymore.  She was done! 
Because of this one girl, this one story, this one major event in my life, I have come to realize that I want to help people like her.  I want to be a part of these peoples lives.  I want to show them that there is more to life, that there is hope, that they can all have a future.  I want to be there.  I want to live and work and study and enjoy these people's company.  I want to be where there broken is, where the hurting is, where the darkness is because this is where I meet God the most.  I want to see Christ through these people; He works in and through these people more than I've ever seen in anyone else ever before.  God meets us in the dark places of this World.  He brings the light to a darked World.

I Am, I Want, I Need.
I am.
I am a girl.
I am a daughter.
I am a sister.
I am an aunt.
I am a student.
I am a friend.
I am a lover.
I am a fighter.
I am a procrastinator.
I am a worker.
I am a barista.
I am a family science major.
I am a ministries minor.
I am a member of Camarada.
I am a Christian.
I am an American.
I am a servant.
I am an enemy.
I am.

I want.
I want to be big hearted.
I want to be extremely loving.
I want to be extroverted at times.
I do not want to play nice all the time.
I want to be adventurous.
I want to be spontaneous.
I want to be down to earth.
I want to climb mountains.
I want to put my feet in the sand.
I want to listen to the ocean without moving.
I want to contemplate.
I want to spend 3 months in another country.
I want to live in Washington D.C.
I want to serve Christ with my whole heart.
I do not want to be a member of a church.
I want to be a Christian without being associated with others.
I do not want to be judged.
I want to stop judging myself and others.
I want to see the World in a new and different light.
I want to stand on top of a mountain and reach out and touch God.
I want to fly.
I want to sing without worrying about how I sound.
I want to smile ALL the time.
I want to write music, poetry, a book.
I want to visit Alaska.
I want to visit Europe and all of it's wonders.
I want to learn another language.
I want to read as many books as possible during one summer.
I want to feel closer to God than ever before.
I want life to come easy
Yet I want life to be a challenge.
I want to start a non-prof organization for homeless children
I want to make a difference in someone's life somewhere, someday.
I want.

I need.
I need God.
I need mercy.
I need grace.
I need forgiveness.
I need a Father.
I need a Savior.
I need a Friend.
I need a Lover.
I need a Fighter.
I need Jesus.
I need the Holy Spirit.
I need arms around me.
I need unconditional, agape love.
I need.

I want to speak with you
I love you, I know I do
You're in my dreams
You're in my thoughts
You drift away but linger on

I use to be the only one to wonder
I us to be the only one who seemed to care
This friendship we formed
saw little effort from you
But you showed me you do
You made an effort
You do care, You did show me

I want to speak with you
to know your hearts desire
To know your life story
To listen to your struggles

But this friendship we formed
is now longer that deep
Even though two people can care
doesn't mean anything important
it just means that we have big hearts
it means that we can love without truly loving

This friendship we formed
is no longer a real friendship
for friendships require communication
friendships require commitment
friendships require energy
and these qualities we neither one can obtain


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